When a baby is born, people are very excited. There are showers full of gifts, visits from friends and family, meal trains to provide for the weeks following birth, and in general a lot of support for the new parents.

However, after the first month is over, the excitement dies down, the visiting relatives go home, the meal trains end, but the newborn is still there. Usually (in the USA) one or both parents are back to work at about the 6 week mark, the same exact time when baby is beginning to be more alert, to have more trouble sleeping, to develop colic, and in general the parents have discovered a new level of exhaustion they could never have anticipated.

We have been home for 6 weeks (or so) and I feel like we have hit this period in quarantine. Instead of a new baby, we have a new way of living, which is sort of like bringing a new child into your life. We have had to learn new schedules. We have been overwhelmed with distance learning. We as communities commiserated together on Facebook and other social media outlets. Much like having a new baby, we have sequestered ourselves in our homes to protect our immune systems.

And at 6 weeks in, we are all getting a little colicky.

We are all worn out from this new way of living. Like being handed a baby you cannot give back, many of us have been handed a new lifestyle that has changed everything. We face financial burdens, job loss, isolation, and (for many of us) anxiety.

I have noticed many speaking about post traumatic stress disorders being triggered and have felt my own wounds poked and prodded. The fear of financial hardship has come back loud and strong for me as after much deliberation I left my 9-5 in order to better support our family through distance learning and the quarantine.

As many wise people have pointed out, this time isn’t so much revealing our insecurities as it IS a giant time of insecurity. Much like a new mom may struggle to breastfeed, we are struggling to care for our own needs because we have never learned how to thrive in a pandemic before.

Much like a new mom may struggle to breastfeed, we are struggling to care for our own needs because we have never learned how to thrive in a pandemic before.

As our tenacity is tested and our perseverance is worn, I would like to suggest a few things I learned after my first postpartum period that informed my second:

Rest. A lot.

I am always amazed how easily I come back to this message. Rest. Rest. And more rest. We are not energizer bunnies or flywheels. We do not generate our own energy by continuing to work and produce. Eventually we do and will burn out.

The beauty of rest is that it restores that energy.

The beauty of rest is that it simply requires that you stop working. After you stop you can do whatever you want.

Want to create a garden? Pick up a hobby? Read a book? Go for a bike ride? Go for it. What restores you? What helps you feel rested?

And maybe a counter question: What looks like rest in your life, but doesn’t restore anything? Does binge-watching bring you a restored sense of self? For me, a lot of time watching television makes me feel more sluggish, more lazy, more… tired. Does scrolling through social media restore you? Or stress you?

Here’s an invitation to think about what you really want to do. What would it take to do it? To enjoy? To invite God to meet you in it? To find rejuvenation in your soul?

Connect

My coworkers and church community might remember that I had a pretty restricted, almost anti-social, social life after B was born. My job at the church required a lot of social energy and I felt that by simply going to church I would be “on” in a way that I didn’t have the capacity for postpartum, so we just didn’t go to church. For three months. That’s kind of a long time for a pastor.

But that’s not to say I wasn’t social. I just was very picky. I spoke with my best friends. I invited our family into our home. I spent time investing in bonding with B and connecting with J. We made sure we as a family were doing well. That Tim and I were connecting.

As an introvert, I require very few friends, but I long for their relationships to be deep.

What connection do you need right now? What are you longing for? How can you make that happen?

Can you take the risk to invest in one person on a regular basis, checking in on how each other is really doing during quarantine?

Do you need more social experiences? Maybe get the app Marco Polo or HouseParty to video chat and play some games together!

The other day I saw two women sitting outside of a coffee shop, each sitting in the back of her minivan, a solid 6 feet away, connecting. I thought, how brilliant. My husband has gone on socially distanced walks (with masks). My family did a zoom call last night.

Each of these connections is different. But we all need it.

Learn about Yourself

Before I was a mom, I never realized how incredibly boring it is for me to do the same thing day after day after day. I once read the phrase “the dayliness of our days” and the repetition spoke to me. The diapers of newborn life. The dishes. The laundry. Yes. I hate it. Make. it. stop.

Life is pretty daily right now.

But I know myself now. I know I need creative input and output. So I have learned to listen to my desires and I am following them. (Also being sure to watch my limited energy levels.) Saturday night, Tim and I watched The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society, an artistic balm for my soul. I made banana bread last week, have designed a couple of crochet patterns, and am currently writing this blog post.

This is, of course, built in around daily chores such as laundry, schooling, and general cleaning.

What keeps you going? What stirs your interest? Who are you created to be? Some of us are annoyed with being home during quarantine because we just don’t like who we are right now. What is stirring inside of you? What is making you tick? What is ticking you off?

The more we get curious about who we are, what triggers us, and what we need, the more healthy we can become and the more our lives will flourish as a result. I firmly believe this. That is why I am excited to be investing in becoming an Enneagram Coach in order to help others do just that, discover themselves.

The more we get curious about who we are, what triggers us, and what we need, the more healthy we can become and the more our lives will flourish as a result.

There are many resources for discovering yourself, but I would say a journal is a great place to begin. Just notice. How did you feel today? What were you doing at the time you felt “x”? What were your judgments/perceptions about that circumstance? How did those judgments inform how you felt? And finally, how can you move forward in light of these observations?

Just like the postpartum time, every person is experiencing this quarantine in a different way. However it is for you, be kind to yourself. You have never done this before. It is okay if this is hard. Just as you have gotten through other difficulties in your life, you can get through this, too. I believe it.