When Tim and I were first married, he handed me a large bin of my things and told me to organize it. Having watched several episodes of home organizing shows I separated the items in three piles: To Keep, To Sell, To Throw Away. Then I sat there wondering what to do next. Tim came home to find me fenced in by these piles in a state of panic. Where do I put the things I want to keep? Do I really throw away these items? How do I sell this stuff?
Organizing things has always been difficult for me. I have self-identified as a “messy” for years. When something is “in use” (in my mind), I leave it out. Having children only compounded the problem when the amount of stuff I use on a daily basis tripled overnight.
My messiness has created problems in our marriage as stuff builds up around the house creating a sense of chaos and unrest which my affects my sensitive husband as soon as he walks in the door.
I like to think that I don’t really see the mess. But right now, my office looks like this:
I can’t even use it. There is an unfinished crochet project on the chair, boxes from Christmas packages scattered throughout, misplaced office supplies, random books lying around — Oh yeah, and a streak of blue paint because I want to paint the room, but can’t because messy.
I want things to change, but how?
I once read a review of The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up which intrigued me (affiliated link here and throughout). There was a lot of talk about simplicity, throwing things away, and joy. Lots and lots of joy. Soon, the The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up made best-sellers lists and popped up in magazines I read. It is currently the #1 book on Amazon in Home Improvement and Design with thousands of 5 star reviews.
When we moved from Colorado and had to de-clutter the house, I was struck (and disgusted) by the amount of stuff we had that we never used. Why did we have 3 different types of pizza cutters? Why did I hang onto all of those unused sippy cups? Why did I have bags of stuff to be put away next to the front door – for months?
I realized the messes I managed were created by things I do not need.
Moving into our new home, I told Tim I long for simplicity – that word that summarizes 2016 for me. I want to live with less.
A couple of months ago I grabbed a copy of “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up” from the library and only read a couple dozen pages before I had to return it. I did not know what to think. The promise Marie Kond made two paragraphs in was laughable:
She doesn’t know me, I thought. The “messy” girl who can’t keep her house in order no matter how hard she tries. I doubt it.
But when I turned to the first chapter, the heading took my breath away:
[Tweet ““You can’t tidy if you’ve never learned how.” -Marie Kondō”]Boom.
Yeeeeeesssssss!!!!!
I don’t know how. I don’t know how to manage this house. It’s the secret I’ve been hiding behind ever since I became the primary house-keeper around here. Sure, I try. But all of my trying only leads to a sense of failure over and over again.
I’m not the only one.
It is assumed that we just know how to tidy, Kondō explains. From the time we are children we are told to clean our rooms without an explanation of what that looks like. So we teach ourselves. But for some of us, that teaching is inadequate.
Enter Marie Kondō.
The KonMari method is pretty simple in nature. You discard the items that don’t bring you joy. You pick a place for the things that do bring you joy and always keep them there.
Here’s the part that freaks me out:
“If you put your house in order in one fell swoop, you will have” an anxiety attack “tidied up in one fell swoop.” (p. 16)
I can’t imagine going through the entire house all at once. The line brings heart palpitations.
But, the purpose of tidying the entire house all at once?
“People cannot change their habits without first changing their way of thinking.” (p 16) We change the way we think from experiencing the life sparking joy of a tidy place.
After the “fell swoop” event of tidying, all we do each day is put things back. (Enter more smirks and thoughts of self doubt here. After all, this lady doesn’t have children. Anyways…) After experiencing a life filled only with things that bring us joy and a tidy home we will not revert to our previous habits. She promises.
An all at once tidying event for Kondo with her private consultations is about 6 months. Not a weekend as I first assumed. 6 months of my life devoted to tidying up? I might be able to do that.
It’s true, I have my doubts. I have fears. I also have a room that is devoted to me, but I can’t use it because it is a mess. It’s time to simplify by first doing something that isn’t so simple: Tidy.
This week, I’m starting with my office. (ok, I’m breaking the rules of the method here, because you’re supposed to start with clothing, but a girl has to work!) Follow me on instagram or twitter to see how this thing goes down. I’ll also blog as I go.
Have you struggled with keeping your house tidy? Have you heard of the KonMari method? Any interesting blogs or experiences out there? I would love to hear about them!
Oh, and pray for me. I’m going to need it.
A brief update can be found here. God is using Lent and KonMari to change me. More coming soon.
Tip-toe-ing in to offer some gentle advice…. your office is most likely filled with items that have great emotion attached to them–because your work is so personal. My initial thought is that *starting* in such a space is a challenge. It’s kind of like the 200 yard individual medley instead of the 50 yard freestyle. Now, I’m no guru–but I did do the clothing sort/purge KonMari stuff so far and it was in fact an “easy” place to warm up because I have clear feelings about my clothes. (A lot of them did NOT bring me joy.)
Thanks, Kels. At this point I have zero feelings for any of this stuff – I just want it all to go away! – but I hear what you’re saying. This is a need more than a want. I am going to finish the book before I get started “discarding.” Just so I’m clear on what I’m doing. I’ll see and might change my mind. 🙂
I downloaded and read the entire book last week. I am also disorganized and the book intrigued me. I started with my closet and ended up with 3 garbage bags of clothes to donate. It is a little less overwhelming to start with one closet, then move on to another space. I do feel refreshed having cleared out so much stuff. Now my husband is on the band wagon and I’m making another trip to Goodwill this afternoon.
The author sounds a little quirky but has some very good advice for the most part. I was able to get rid of lots of clothes that I don’t wear. I did, however, not talk to my clothes and thank them for serving me well before throwing them in the “donate” bag:).
Keep up the commentary as it does motivate me to Tidy Up!
Woohoo! Go Mary!! The author is definitely quirky. Talking to clothes is just one thing… I couldn’t believe she would clean her siblings rooms after school in junior high – for fun! But she knows what she’s talking about.
I, too, am a “messy.” Late last year, I finally got my hands on Kondo’s book, and it was life-changing . . . for a while. I have several posts referencing the strides I made from reading about “tidying,” and while I still hold to her tenets in theory, the truth is that daily life with five kids leaves me little extra time to continue the complete process of tidying. So, I go in spurts, as I have been prone to do, and I keep reading minimalist material to motivate myself. I do have areas in my home that have been transformed almost completely, while others ebb and flow with life’s changing seasons and stuff. Once in love with her folding methods, I found myself the sole laundry folder in the house (because the kids, although trained to fold the Konmari way, just couldn’t keep up with it). It wasn’t important enough to me to die on that hill, so I have let the kids fold however they choose, just to get them folding again. When I fold, it is a modified method and not so time consuming. Keep going, as you are able, and rejoice in your progress. It all counts, however long it takes. The goal is to keep moving forward and not fall back into bad habits of consumption and disarray. Good luck!
Aimee, that sounds exactly the way I will be. I like to hang my clothes and can’t imagine folding all of my shirts. I don’t believe for a second that clothing has spirits that are hurt by storing them in different ways. Ha! Having children must adapt the method and we need to be realistic about that. There was a line towards the beginning about deciding how tidy you want to be and attaining to that goal. This is something I need to take into consideration, for sure. Thank you for sharing with me your experience! I would love to read some of your work.
Leah, I love how real you are and how you share that with us. I’m a neat-freak. Clutter makes my stomach hurt. That said, I have too much stuff. I’m not sure how that happens. Gifts I don’t know what to do with. Being too nostalgic about things my kids made me. I’m a book-hoarder. Thanks for sharing and for the reminder about keeping it simple. I love the Tiny House movement. I could never do that, but I reminds me to give, donate and stop shopping for what I really, really don’t need. I need to once again….share my beloved books! Bless you. One room at a time is always how I begin and keep going 🙂
Thanks Donna! Kondo has some freeing words about gifts and mementos. I think discarding those things will be hard, but easier having read the book. We don’t have a Tiny House, but in my opinion it’s small (Tim argues it is not – I have friends in brand new houses. Ours is small in comparison.) and we need to be smart to live in it well!! And hey, if books bring you joy, Kondo would say keep them. 😉 Thanks for chiming in!
From one Ms. Messy to another, thanks for honestly sharing! I haven’t read the book yet, but I’m doubtful as well. I also need to re-learn tidying methods, but I think it comes from a mindset of being able to let go of things easily, which I struggle with. Baby steps! 😉 I’ve started by letting myself organize things (medicine drawer tonight, for example) while watching a favorite TV show. Or sewing that coat pocket, or fixing that broken necklace that’s been in a bag on the dresser for 2 months… Makes it seem less time consuming! 😉 Let’s see how far our New Year Momentum takes us!
Kim, I hear you. I decided to jump all in because I’m fed up, but I know it’ll be little by little once the big work is done. It helps that a lot of things are still in boxes since we moved. I love the New Year for the sense of a fresh start it brings. Thanks for commenting on your experience!
Hey! Just found your blog (via Pinterest) and I’m excited to follow you on this journey! I read the book last summer and have been tidying since. We did everything in order the first time, but constantly revisit areas and find more to purge. It has been life changing in our house! I hope you find the same success ?
Hey Kaylan! The book has made such a difference in my ability to clean up. I’m still slow – and haven’t finished doing the house once and for all, yet – but have made significant progress. I will update on here sometime, I think… life is nuts!! 🙂 Thanks for reading!