I can’t believe the last post on this blog was Ben eating peanut butter. That was ages ago! And yet, I can believe it.

God’s taking me on a journey. And, honestly, I don’t like it. It’s been painful. It’s been lonely. It’s been scary. And really tough.

I have been stretched and stressed as I question so much of what I’ve known and been doing for over 3 years now, but I believe God’s hand is in it, so I keep going.

Isaiah 42:16
16 I will lead the blind by ways they have not known,
along unfamiliar paths I will guide them;
I will turn the darkness into light before them
and make the rough places smooth.
These are the things I will do;
I will not forsake them.

All of this spiritual, scary, unfamiliar walking has not made me a better person. Not yet, anyway (Oh Lord, please!). I am tired. And tired of being tired. And this fatigue is creating a strain on us here at home.

Throw in the 8th round of potty training and you find me flipping out because I had to change someone’s pants twice before school on Tuesday morning. Twice! Before 8:30am!

Aaahhhhh!

I showed up at his school in a tizzy. “I don’t know what’s going on. He’s wet everyday. He’s been soaked when I’ve picked him up from school 3 times in the past two weeks. What do I do?! I don’t know what to do. I’m at my wit’s end!!!”

And I left his shocked teacher to deal with him for the day.

After talking to my dad about this (who effectively de-escalated me and my fears about any physical or mental problem with my son), I resolved to work on positive reinforcement with a sticker chart.

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Within a day I realized I needed one, too.

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It took Jack saying to me, “Don’t yell, Mommy,” to even realize that I was yelling. And that I needed help to stop.

So, every time I have to remind and prod this little man I love who exasperates me to no end to go potty and I don’t yell, I get a sticker. At the end of the week we’re going to Dollar Tree to get a prize.

I don’t know who’s more excited.