It has begun. On Monday night Tim and I started “Ferberizing” Jack. I have been mostly against this form of sleep training because it seems so cruel, but I feel it has to be done. Not only am I once again dependent on caffeine, but I’m also depressed. There, I said it. In the past when I’ve had trouble sleeping I ended up depressed. Before Jack was born I was concerned this would happen and unfortunately it has. I can finally admit it without feeling ashamed. That’s just how my body works. But I don’t have to sit in it, I can do something about it. The first thing to do is get more sleep and in order to that – we have to let Jack cry a little.

We’ve only done it three nights. Last night was a miracle. I must have caught Jack at just the right time, because he didn’t cry at all. When he woke up at 11:40 I fed him (based on the advice from Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child), but I don’t think I really needed to. He then slept from 12:00-7:40. It was amazing! I don’t know the last time I slept more than 7 hours in a row.

Tonight is a different story. I just got done listening to fifteen minutes of wailing. Cries that cause a physical reaction in my body. My heart feels like it’s been torn out, thrown on the ground, and broken into a bazillion pieces. Someone has punched me in the stomach causing my knees to go weak and my shoulders will not relax. I’m gonna need an awesome massage after this. I keep expecting Child Protective Services to show up. I don’t think our Mexican neighbors would let their babies cry like that. They haven’t as far as I can tell.

I honestly don’t know how Ferber came up with this method. What mom in her right mind would voluntarily let her baby cry? I mean, I’m doing it, but it goes against every instinct in my body (and I’m not sure I am in my right mind).

I’ll be really thankful when this is over and we can all get some sleep – not just Tim (just kidding babe… sort of). For now I am coping with my good friends Ben, Jerry and their Chubby Hubby.