For the majority of my adult life, I have struggled with depression. I’ve gone to counseling, been on medications, switched medications, and generally sought healing as best as I have known how.
But there are days and weeks when nothing seems to be working. I’ve been stuck in several of those days in a row now. And the truth is, I feel like many things in my life are hopeless. I struggle to see my writing as effective. I’m not interested in setting up our new house. I have short patience with family members. I generally want to shut myself away from the world.
It’s embarrassing to share these feelings. People get uncomfortable. They try to fix me. All I want is to be heard.
I’ve learned that one of the best things to do when I’m depressed is to talk about it. Depression thrives in the darkness, in secret. But when depression is brought to the light, it cannot survive, for “everything that is illuminated becomes a light.” (Eph 5:13)
This is the work of God. Shining light into the dark places of our souls. Bringing about redemption and hope when all seems lost.
This is the work of God in the main character of our story, today.
The title of the book of Ruth is deceiving, because it detracts from the main character of the story: Naomi. We are tempted to focus on Ruth and her relationship with God, because she is inspiring. But we overlook and even look down our noses at her mother-in-law, Naomi. The character this book opens and closes on.
Naomi is the anti-Ruth. She is old. She is a widow. Both of her sons have died. She seems to have lost her faith in God. She is depressed.
God desires to heal her depression.
Having lost everything, Naomi and Ruth set our for Bethlehem. We cheer when Ruth chooses to be loyal to Naomi and to God. But when Naomi greets her friends back home, we shuffle our feet in uncomfortable silence.
“Call me Mara, because the Almighty has made my life very bitter. [Mara means bitter] I went away full, but the LORD has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi? [Naomi means pleasant] The LORD has afflicted me; the Almighty has brought misfortune upon me.” (Ruth 1:20-21)
Have you been there? Have you lost everything? Impoverished by death and misfortune. Alone in the world. No means of financial stability. This is the reality Naomi finds herself in. Her life is very bitter, indeed.
Naomi’s judgment is that God is the one who has brought this pain on her. However, the rest of the story is about God’s work to bring her out of suffering and into joy. She begins the story empty, God is determined to give her life to the full once more.
He begins by leading Ruth to the field of Boaz. She “turns out” to be in his field the first day she gleans for food (2:3). Boaz is impressed by this immigrant’s faithfulness to her mother-in-law and blesses her with provision and safety (2:12, 21). When Ruth comes home with a month’s worth of wages (!!!), Naomi begins to see the light of life again. She proclaims:
Through a series of shrewd events, Ruth and Boaz get married. Boaz redeems the land of Naomi’s late husband, thus keeping the land within the family and ensuring Naomi’s provision. Ruth and Boaz’s first son is proclaimed to be the heir not to Boaz’s estate, but to Naomi’s late husband’s. He is Naomi’s child.
The women of Bethlehem rejoice over this son. “Praise be to the LORD, who this day has not left you without a guardian-redeemer! … He will renew your life and sustain you in your old age” (2:14, 15)
We met Naomi just as she lost everything. We leave her cradling a baby boy in her arms – once empty, now full.
Once hopeless, now confident that God sees and provides for His people.
God has determined to look out for the lost. Whether they are poor, widowed, or strangers in a foreign land, He commanded His people to look out for them in His law. His provision is what makes this story possible (See Lev 19:9-10; Deut 24:19-21).
In the same way, God sees our suffering and will provide a way out. There are safe people you can talk to about your struggles. People who will not make you feel guilty for feeling depressed and afraid. Keep looking for them. Keep seeking healing.
Last night I reached out to the members of Redbud Writers Guild in fear and tears. I expressed to them my discouragement as a writer. Their comfort and compassion brought me to tears. Because of them, I know I am not alone. I know my words matter. I know God has not given up on me.
My healing has not included life tied up in a bow, like Naomi’s. But because of stories like hers, I know that God is working. Each day I grow stronger, even when I feel like I’m starting over. Each day I learn something new and gain a fresh perspective on life in this fallen world.
God has not stopped showing his kindness.
I have hope.
Prayers coming your way, Leah. May each day feel a little lighter than the last, and may you always maintain this perspective, especially when the depression begins to pull you under the next time. Being able to talk about mental illness openly is SO important… I know literally not one single adult who isn’t touched in some way by mental illness, and I feel encouraged that it seems like it’s a bigger part of the public conversation recently.
Thanks for being a faithful friend over the years. I want to see you face to face soon!
Leah, thank you so much for your thoughts on depression. So many battle depression and don’t know how to talk about it. As you said, when we talk about it, it brings it out into the light. Thanks for your honesty and vulnerability in writing this post.
Thank you for the encouragement on a vulnerable day.
Your writing is a blessing. Bringing hope and truth to the darkness in the middle of your own pain. You’ve been heard and you’ve been on my mind all day. Much of Christ’s love to you….
Thank you, Heidi! I appreciate your encouragement today and yesterday.
Thanks for sharing. I was ministered to this morning, thanks for your obedience when you probably didn’t feel like it.
Wow. Thank you, Mike.
I have never thought of Naomi dealing with depression before but you are right, it is so clear! I have struggled with anxiety for years and I understand the ruts, the feeling like it will never change. I started talking about my anxiety on my blog, too, knowing many in my real life would read and not even know I had ever struggled with it. Just writing about it has been some amazing therapy! So happy to be in the sisterhood of the Buds with you and be able to lift each other up when we are down and know we aren’t alone. Blessings, sister Bud!
I am sorry about your struggle, Nicole. Thank you for being faithful and writing about it. I’m beyond grateful for my buds!
This is a beautiful post and such helpful insights about Naomi! You are so right that I cringe a little when I read about how Naomi talked to her friends. Depression is not pretty and it’s not always easy to deal with. That’s the reality. Thank you for shedding light on this subject in an honest way. I’m writing a series about depression this month, The Hope Toolbox, on my blog and I’ll be sharing a link to this post.
That sounds excellent, Sara. I will be checking out your work. Thanks for the share!
leah, great post! i suspect you are in great company. some say paul’s thorn in the flesh was depression. i’m sure some of the other writers of Scripture struggled with it as well.
i think there is a lot to the whole idea of letting the light in to the darkness of depression by speaking out. yes, it is not easy being vulnerable but you are learning how much it helps you and ministers to others as well.