When I began Write 31 Days on October 1st, I could tell my husband was frustrated with me. As I put finishing touches on my formatting and images until late into the evening, he would sigh and walk away. When I asked him what was going on, he told me what I should have expected to hear (because I hear it so many times):
“I don’t understand why you’re starting another project when you haven’t finished your other ones.”
It stings, because he’s right.
I tend to get excited about new ideas and leave old ones behind. Because after awhile the newness wears off. I realize the idea is actually hard work and I’m frustrated to the point of discouragement. So I give up.
Three weeks into this writing challenge, I’m feeling the fatigue and the difficulty of it.
More though, I’m hearing the wisdom of Tim’s words in my heart.
There are other things I think I should be doing.
A year ago, I began talking on The Toothless Grin (remember the old site) about the book I’m working on Restoring Mama’s Soul: Revived Spiritual Practices for Tired Mamas. I worked hard for 3 months on that project. Then one thing after another pushed it onto the shelf.
As 31 Days came along, I thought about writing on that topic for this series. But I was afraid.
I was afraid that maybe that idea wasn’t a good one after all.
I was afraid that this pet project of mine would be rejected.
I began this series as an attempt to find approval with my “growing audience” and potential agents/editors/publishers out in the field.
Here’s the kicker: I did not seek God first.
Oh, I’ve been seeking Him in this series, but I didn’t seek His wisdom and blessing in getting this thing started.
I am feeling the folly of my decision.
Solomon wrote at the beginning of Proverbs:
but fools despise wisdom and instruction. Prov 1:7
I am not going to stop this series. I want to finish it for you, for me, and for God. I have felt through the past few weeks that this is bigger than I understand, that more is being done than me tapping out letters onto a screen.
I am grateful that God has not wasted my work.
But I am also regretting that I am not spending time on the original work He put in my heart: Restoring Mama’s Soul.
If you’re reading along and if you think of me, I ask that you would pray for me to stay focused on Him. I wrote yesterday that I have been struggling to even remember to take time to pray or practice the presence of God. I have felt like I am wandering aimlessly.
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight. Prov 3:5-6
My understanding of the world and what is possible is limited to what experts tell me about publishing, platforms, and probabilities. When I am influenced by these things, I turn my ear away from God.
I don’t want to do that anymore.
I may be self-publishing my book and if that’s the case, I’m okay with that.
I might be giving it away for free, but if it can help refresh and restore the tired mamas I encounter on a regular basis then it is worth it.
Thank you God for your mercy and for speaking to my heart. Thank you for the assurance that I am not alone. Please continue to give me a heart like yours, caring for others, making a difference in the lives of others. I ask that as this series finished up that it would impact the lives of my readers – and change mine as well.
May my work always be done “so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.” (1 Peter 4:11)
Leah, I am right there with you and I can hear your heart quite loudly. I am finishing my series as well because I feel that it would honor God and bless others, beyond what I can see right now. I wrote about my hardship with continuing on my blog a few days ago here http://ourlittlepond.com/acts-14-28. I hope it is an encouragement to you. Be encouraged and I look forward to your book!
Thank you, Fleurztael! I appreciate your encouragement. I will continue on as I am able. Thanks for sharing your link. I pray for strength for you in your faithfulness.
Leah, keep up the good work! Your words are valuable. God has given you a unique perspective and gifting. There is no one else quite like you! I can’t wait to read your book. I pray that God will give you lots of grace to finish this series, and then even more to finish your book. Mamas do get SO tired, and I know your book will be a blessing. Let me know when you finish it… I’ll tell all my mama-friends. 🙂
Tasha, Thank you for your words of encouragement again! I will be musing through my book here on my blog, so there will be more inklings of it to come.
Praying for you, Leah. I’m realizing more and more that God works, not in spite of our misgivings, doubts, and insecurities, but through them to minister to others. He is using you, dear Leah. Press on!
Yes, that is humbling, isn’t it? Brene Brown always talks about vulnerability as being the most important tool for connecting with and impacting others. I’m trying to be vulnerable and it’s hard! Thanks for the encouragement. Much love!