Hello friends, it has been much too long since I have written to you about life and God and motherhood. The reality is, with the beginning of the school year came a boatload of stress that I found I could not manage well. I have been immensely discouraged at my place in life. My sense that others are getting on with their dreams while I am treading water and watching my own dreams float away was heightened in October and I knew I needed to make a big change in the way I was living.

Friends in my writer’s guild, The Redbud Writer’s Guild, shared articles and thoughts on the struggles within social media. (This one written by a woman who quit Facebook altogether struck a chord with many of us.) Facebook’s algorithms, the political turmoil on-line, the comparison game we all can fall trap to… many of us have been wondering if social media is worth it anymore. It had once been a place to share our work with those we love, but seems to have formed into a different animal over the past few years.

Almost spontaneously, I decided to stop scrolling and posting. My regular instagram posts ended. I didn’t share them onto Facebook. I didn’t announce it (that felt self-serving and ridiculous). I just slipped away as an attempt to see if I could cope a little more in my own skin than I could online.

Last week I signed onto Facebook for the first time since October. I posted on Instagram. I scrolled through Facebook. I immediatley noticed a difference in my body, mind, and soul.

Here are some things I have noticed about life on and offline over the past 6 weeks:

picture from pixabay

1) Offline I was a lot calmer than I am online.

Signing back on, I was immediately assaulted by repeat images of women and children being tear-gassed at the border. This is information I would have learned about on my regular news sites. But as I scrolled through Facebook that first day back, I couldn’t escape the images. I was shocked and saddened by them as I have been by the entire refugee train. The pictures did what they were meant to do. Evoke outcry. But the visceral anger and pain that accompanied the images from my friends and loved ones was too intense for me.

I am not one to hide my head in the sand. I do state my opinions. I am passionate about social justice and have taken my responsibility as a citizen in this country seriously. However, I have found that being online where angry posts are rewarded with emojis and shares, my stress levels went up just from swiping through my feed.

Offline I was able to control my intake of the news. I had more control of what I saw. Sure I can always close Facebook, but if I’m relying on that for my news, only the shocking stories are pushed to the front. My perception of the world was much more desolate looking at my screen than looking around my home.

Connections have been drawn between the rise of social media and smart phones and a rise in teenage suicides. The social pressure to display perfection, be always on, always reachable by others, always performing is exhausting. Adults have better coping skills to deal with the stress social media brings, but I don’t think we are immune to experiencing the same pressures.

My anxiety this fall was at a high I haven’t experienced in a long time. When I signed off, I immediately felt my anxiety fall. I had made a choice to stop performing and I experienced that shift in my whole self as my body relaxed, my heart-rate steadied, my mind regained control.

2) Offline I compared myself to others less.

As a writer, it has been wonderful to be in writing groups where I can learn from others in my field. In Redbud, we share our successes and failures. We ask and answer questions. We support one another without a sense of competition. And the majority of this community happens in Facebook.

But as I have struggled to attain my goals, it has been painful to see others reach theirs. I am excited for my friends who signed book contracts. And I am also sad that I didn’t sign one. This, of course, is natural. But I am aware that in myself, my ability to be happy for others has slipped further and further away. Since we tend to put only our wins on-line, I don’t get to see the blood, sweat, and tears these writers have sacrificed to get to where they are. I see only the happy finished product social media has trained us to give.

Offline, I began to consider my own goals rather than looking at everyone else’s. What do I really want to write? How do I want to write it? What is God inviting me to do? And what do I need to do to get there?

The information I have learned from other writers has been invaluable. But I am not them. I need to go my own way. Getting offline is helping me discover that way.

3) Offline I have so much more time!

I don’t even want to know how many minutes and hours I have wasted each day of my life on social media. On Sunday, when I scrolled for the first time, I found myself back in the rhythm of checking my phone every spare second I seemed to have. These were not life-giving moments. Frustrated with myself, I would hide my phone from me (not hard to do as I lose it all the time. Ask my husband) and force myself to do something else.

When I wasn’t online I found myself daydreaming about book ideas. I read out loud to my kids. I took them on one-on-one dates. I read 3+ books. I got together with friends in real life. I spent time with my husband. I went to bed earlier. I prayed. I watched movies. I crocheted a baby blanket, a hat, and a cowl. I read the newsletters the writers I love send out on a regular basis, which resulted in me being ministered to and encouraged.

I enjoyed life so much more.

Instead of trying to show off my life, I paid attention to what I wanted to do and what I needed. This led me to a greater sense of contentment and gratitude for the life I live.

I haven’t decided how I want to move forward now that I am back online. I am reconsidering whether or not I want to be on Facebook at all anymore. I may only use it for my groups and avoid the main feed all together. I still love Instagram. I have made some wonderful friends through that outlet (who I genuinely missed over the month off – ok, I checked in there every once in awhile).

But one thing is for sure. I do not want to fall back into the life I had before. I love this life I have found.

What is social media like for you? How has this changed over time for you? I would love to hear your perspective and your stories.