Tim starts school tomorrow… and he’s excited about it.

If you know Tim, you know that this is a big deal. I’m excited for him to learn about cars, to become a mechanic and earn us some big bucks (well, potentially). What I’m concerned about is what’s going to happen to me in the next 18 months.

I feel incredible selfish saying that. I feel as though I should be excited for Tim no matter what the cost may be to myself. But there’s going to be a cost and that scares me.

The hope has been that by the time Tim started school I would have a job. That way Tim would not need to work full time. At this point no such job has come along. Tim will therefore be working 40 hours a week and going to school 25. He will be gone at least 70 hours a week with little breaks here and there. I know he is concerned about not having any free time. So am I.

Since Jack was born there have been numerous times when I have been ready to throw in the towel at the end of Tim’s work week. I remember one time when I was so fed up with caring for Jack’s needs I began sobbing while I was breastfeeding him. Jack looked at me with so much concern… it was really sweet, but I was done. Thankfully, Tim came home and I took a nap. I think I have gotten better at making priorities and taking care of myself, but Tim has always been there to relieve me. Now he won’t be there as often and that makes me nervous.

I know I’m not the first person to face a situation like this one. I’m wondering what others have done to care for themselves in the midst of chaos. I just can’t keep up the pace I’ve been going at for the last couple of days (on Friday I realized I had been “working” from 7am until at least 6 or 6:30pm). Does anyone have any advice?