Conversations between a Toddler and a Preschooler

A few weeks ago, Ben was still learning to talk and many of his words were gibberish. Sitting at lunch one day, Ben starts “talking.”
Ben: I giiaaeeemaameeeya.
Me: What?
Ben: I giiaaeeemaameeeya.
Me: (blank face)
Ben: I giiaaeeemaameeeya!!!
Me (trying so hard!): You got a mommy?
Ben (screaming): No!! I giiaaeeemaameeeya!!!
Me (sigh): You give me a lovey?
Ben: NOOO!!! I giiaaeeemaameeeya!!
(Jack bursts into tears next to me. I turn sharply, because I didn’t even know he was there!)
Me: Jack! What’s wrong?
Jack (heartbroken): I can’t understand what he’s saying!!
Me: (Burst out laughing. This is so ridiculous)
Jack: It’s not funny!!
Me: Ok, Ben, one more time.
Ben: I giiaaeeemaameeeya.
Me (sigh): Can you point to something?
Ben: No! (Picks up milk) I giiaaeeemaameeeya!
Me: Oh! You didn’t drink your milk yet?
Ben: Yeah! (drinks milk)

Driving to a doctor’s appointment, the stoplight turns green.
Ben shouts: Blue!
Jack: No it wasn’t! It was green!
Ben: No! Blue!
Jack (shouting): Ben! It was not blue, it was green!
Ben (crying now): No! It blue!
Jack: It was green!!! (bursts into tears)
Me: Jack, please calm down, it was both green and blue. (some lights are sort of in between, right? And does this really matter??)
Jack: No it wasn’t! (sobbing)
Ben: Blue.
Jack: Waaaahhhhh!!!!!
Me (to myself): This is the dumbest argument ever. Are we really fighting about this?
Me (to them): Ben, it’s ok, it was blue. (Ben calms down) Jack, Ben saw blue. Sometimes they look blue.
Jack: Ok. (sniffles)

While I’m in the bathroom, taking a bit of a social break from my children (Ben is attacking me with a plastic fish while I write; social breaks are needed for introverted all parents), I hear Jack call for me.
Jack: Mommy!
Ben: Mommy in bathroom! (thanks for standing up for me, Benny-Boy)
Jack: Is she in there for a long time?
Ben: Yeah.
Jack: If she’s in the bathroom forever, then we’ll never see her again! (Because five minutes is obviously forever)
Ben: Aaawwww.